#20 - Fluctuating Imposter Syndrome
I feel like an imposter. I write about my experiences and try to post helpful content, but even as I write, a little gremlin sits on my shoulder whispering, “no one cares…this content is garbage…you think you’re sooooo clever…you don’t know what you’re talking about.” The worst part, no one has ever validated that gremlin’s thoughts.
I ignore it for a few weeks (like when I released 4 podcast episodes) but it comes back louder and I shut down.
The shoulder gremlin has always been there. High school, college, when I owned my own hot sauce company, and especially now, writing about real-world experiences in my career field. But it feels different here and I don’t know why.
Professionalism? I’ve written about management through the lens of Ted Lasso and Training Day, so probably not.
Not wanting to be told I’m wrong? That’s rarely been a problem in the past. I expect to be wrong 1/5 times.
The grossness of being an “influencer”? I was a Columbus micro-celebrity for writing a popular Friday “Spiciest Dish in Columbus” series for two years.
Having someone dismiss my experiences as invalid because my resume doesn’t have a FAANG company on there? How important is that though? I don’t know I’d ever attempt to work in those companies.
Trying to do too much and getting overwhelmed? Honestly, this might be the closest to an answer.
Whatever the reason, I’ve let it get to me. The last post I wrote was two months ago, “Navigating that Failing Startup Feeling” and I had many of you reach out and say how helpful it was. The shoulder gremlin gets to me, but I’m going to see if I can get rid of it for a while (or at least mute it).
Chatting with a co-worker this week we both realized we were going through the same thing. We both were feeling self-imposed pressure to make something helpful, though none of you are forcing us to.
Why am I telling you this? Well, partially to let you know you’re not alone in feeling like your content or contributions aren’t worthy of people seeing it. It’s also to call myself out for being a wuss and worrying too much about what no one has said.
I mean…I’ve even had folks tell me my eyes are too far apart in YouTube comments for the latest project I’m working on with a friend in the Dungeons & Dragons space and it rolls right off. I don’t know why this feels more high-pressure, but I’m going to stop worrying about it. This blurb is part excuse, part processing, part outward therapy, part promise to silence the gremlin moving forward.
Permission to fail/miss, granted. How have you overcome the shoulder gremlin? Interested to know any other tips and tricks folks find helpful.
Helpful Links From This Week
How to be a better software engineering leader (top-down or center-out?)
Blameless culture should be a standard in the engineering industry
Use Engineering Strategy to Reduce Friction and Improve Developer Experience [Will Larson Presentation]
I’ll cap it there for now, but let me know what other weekly features would be helpful for you. Always looking to make improvements and want this to be as valuable as possible.
Thanks for reading!